How Dare You - An Open Letter To Rape Apologists

    “Were you asking for it?”   How does a nine year old girl ask for it? Why is it okay for you to blame me for a grown man’s inability to control himself?  Please explain to me why the first thing you said to me was not “are you okay?” but rather “what did you do to put yourself in that situation”. Tell me why you did nothing to stop it when you knew exactly what was happening, but rather you told me to “cover up” and “be more modest”. Why is it that your religious beliefs are more important than my safety? The very reason that only 7 out of 32 reported rapists actually serve time is because of you.  
  

     Because of you, I have spent the last five years of my life feeling afraid when someone so much as touches my hands. Because of you, I fear that I will never be comfortable in my own body again. I was 9 years old for god's sake. What did I do wrong? Was my school uniform too provocative?999

  I am now 14 and while people around me are exploring their budding sexualities, I went through my moon goddess phase in the fourth grade. Still to this day, my family acts like nothing is wrong. The people around me act the same way they acted before, as if their child isn't suffering from mental repercussions of sexual abuse and as if the man they dare to call a friend isn't the cause of it. How messed up is it to have to see your rapist on a bi-weekly basis and not be able to do anything about it. I wish there were words in the English language, or any language for that matter to express my fear and disgust.

     How does one live with themselves after  abusing the kid daughter of someone who trusts them. Even more than that though, how does one live with themselves after knowing a man has damaged and broken their own child and does nothing about it because he is your "friend" or "he apologized". Why are his feelings more important than the fact that I was stripped of everything, literally and figuratively? Why is your friendship more important than my safety? You'll comfort me and tell me you care, right up until it actually requires you to take action. Why is it that your words kill me more than the very words of my rapist? Why did it take two suicide attempts and admission into a psychiatric ward before anyone even believed me. All of my scars and all of the self inflicted harm i cause is all because of you. This is a result of your doubt and your fear and your selfishness. What made you think it was okay to blame me? Why did it take so much for me to be taken seriously?

     I might never get answers to the questions i ask, but, to anyone else who's reading this who has been a victim of sexual abuse of any kind, you are not alone. I am here for you and I might not understand your specific situation, but I know despair, doubt, anxiety, depression and fear. This is something that I cant suppress or forget and It's something I intend to use to inspire others.